How to Talk to Siblings About Autism - Tips from a Clinical Psychologist
- Shane Dilanchian
- Jun 24
- 6 min read
When one of your children is diagnosed with autism, it can be hard to explain it to their brothers or sisters. You might wonder what to say, how much to share, or how to answer their tricky questions.
At Skyline Psychology, we help families across Sydney’s Northern Beaches talk about autism in ways that feel clear, kind, and age appropriate. Here are some simple tips to help you guide your children through understanding their sibling, and themselves with more compassion and confidence.
Start with the basics.
Begin with words your child can understand. For example:
“Autism means that your brother’s brain works in a different way. He might find some things tricky, like making eye contact, talking to people, or staying calm when things change.”
You don’t need to explain everything at once. Start small, keep it honest, and build on your child’s understanding over time.
Answer their questions honestly.
Siblings often ask thoughtful, and sometimes surprising, questions like:
“Why does she scream when it’s noisy?” or “Why doesn’t he want to play with me?”
Let them know it’s okay to ask anything. You can say:
“That’s a good question. I’m really glad you asked.”
And if you don’t know the answer, it’s perfectly fine to say:
“I’m not sure, but we can find out together.”
Help them see their sibling’s strengths.
Children may focus on what their autistic sibling can’t do. Help shift the focus to what they can do:
“Yes, your sister finds it hard to join games, but she’s amazing at puzzles and has a great memory.”
Pointing out strengths fosters empathy, reduces frustration, and supports a more balanced relationship.
Talk about fairness vs. sameness.
Children might feel upset if they think their autistic sibling gets more attention, extra help, or different rules. You can say:
“Fair doesn’t mean everyone gets the same. It means everyone gets what they need to do their best.”
You might also try giving your other children short one-on-one time where they have your full attention, even 10 minutes a day can make a big difference.
Use books and stories.
Books can help your child understand autism through relatable characters and stories. At Skyline Psychology, we love sharing reading resources to support families. Here are some excellent choices, including some from talented Australian authors:
Ages 4–7:
My Brother Charlie by Holly Robinson Peete and Ryan Elizabeth Peete
All My Stripes by Danielle Royer and Shaina Rudolph
Amazing Me, Amazing You by Christine McGuinness
My Brother is Autistic by Jennifer Moore-Mallinos
Ages 7–10:
The Superhero Heart: Explaining autism to family and friends by Christel Land
All Cats Are on the Autism Spectrum by Kathy Hoopmann
My Brother Charlie by Holly Robinson Peete and Ryan Elizabeth Peete
All My Stripes by Danielle Royer and Shaina Rudolph
Inside Asperger’s Looking Out by Kathy Hoopmann
Ages 10–13:
Rules by Cynthia Lord
Different Like Me by Jennifer Elder
Inside Asperger’s Looking Out by Kathy Hoopmann
Can You See Me? by Libby Scott & Rebecca Westcott
The Awesome Autistic Go-To Guide by Yenn Purkis & Tanya Masterman
Ages 13 and up:
Can You See Me? by Libby Scott & Rebecca Westcott
The Reason I Jump by Naoki Higashida
The Awesome Autistic Go-To Guide by Yenn Purkis & Tanya Masterman
Thinking in Pictures by Dr. Temple Grandin
Different, Not Less by Chloe Hayden
Reading together or simply offering the right book at the right moment can open the door to understanding and connection for all ages.
Let them know they’re not alone, even in big feelings.
Siblings of autistic children often feel love and pride, but they can also feel frustrated, angry, or even ashamed. These feelings are completely normal, and they don’t make your child a bad sibling. You might say:
“It’s okay to feel upset or even embarrassed sometimes. That doesn’t mean you don’t love your brother — it just means you’re having some hard feelings, and I’m here to help you through them.”
Let your child know their emotions are safe to talk about, even the uncomfortable ones. Just being a calm, non judgemental listener can help your child feel supported and valued.
Sometimes the embarrassment comes from outside the family, like when friends don’t understand autism or make unkind comments. In those moments, you can:
Offer simple language your child can use to explain autism to others, for example:
“My sister has autism. She sees and feels things differently, so she sometimes reacts in ways we don’t expect.”
Reassure them it's ok to take space from friendships that don't feel kind.
Remind them that being part of a supportive family is something to be proud of, even when it’s hard.
At Skyline Psychology, we help siblings talk through these big emotions so they don’t feel overwhelmed or alone. When children feel seen and supported, sibling relationships tend to grow stronger, even through challenges.
How a psychologist can support your whole family.
When one child is diagnosed with autism, it affects the whole family, not just the child themselves. Siblings might feel confused, left out, or overwhelmed. Parents may struggle to meet everyone’s emotional needs. That’s where a psychologist can help.
At Skyline Psychology, we support families on Sydney’s Northern Beaches by working with children, parents, and siblings, together and individually.
Psychologists can help your family:
Support siblings who may feel frustrated, upset, or unsure how to connect.
Guide parents in talking about autism in age-appropriate ways.
Build practical strategies for managing emotional outbursts, sibling conflict, and sensory challenges.
Help your family create calmer, more connected routines and communication.
We also work directly with children who are autistic to support their unique needs. This might include:
Helping them understand their emotions and sensory experiences.
Building communication or social connection skills.
Build strategies for emotional regulation, transitions, or sensory sensitivities
Nurture their strengths and sense of identity
For children under 12, we always involve parents in the first session. This helps the psychologist understand your child’s background, strengths, and challenges. It also gives parents a chance to share important insights and begin learning strategies they can use at home. This collaborative start helps children feel safe and supported from the beginning.
Whether you're feeling uncertain, hopeful, or simply looking for guidance, know that you're not alone. With the right support, families can navigate change and grow stronger together.
Free national support services for families.
Here are some free and trusted national services that families can access:
Autism Connect (by Amaze) - 1300 308 699 | www.autismconnect.org.au | A national autism helpline offering support, information, and referrals.
Carer Gateway - 1800 422 737 | www.carergateway.gov.au | Free services and resources for people caring for a family member with disability.
Raising Children Network - www.raisingchildren.net.au | Expert articles and videos about autism, parenting, and family wellbeing.
Kids Helpline - 1800 55 1800 | www.kidshelpline.com.au | 24/7 support line for children and young people aged 5–25.
Need Help Supporting Your Child or Family?
Skyline Psychology supports children, adolescents, and families across Sydney’s Northern Beaches. If you’d like support in helping your child understand autism, or you’re navigating sibling emotions or family stress, we’re here to help.
Based in Frenchs Forest, Sydney’s Northern Beaches
Book an appointment or learn more by contacting us:
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